Healing the Shame that Binds You Read Û E-book or Kindle E-pub

Summary Healing the Shame that Binds You

Healing the Shame that Binds You Read Û E-book, or Kindle E-pub ↠ ❮BOOKS❯ ✴ Healing the Shame that Binds You ✪ Author John Bradshaw – Helpyouantib.co.uk “I used to drink” writes John Bradshaw “to solve the problems caused by drinking The I drank to relieve my shame based loneliEPUB #10003 book Among other things it is a classic book on identifying and working through unresolved family issues Includes affirmations visualizations inner voice and feeling exercises Strong supporting studies make this a popular book with counselors and other professionals Completely updated and revis. A hot mess of influences from attachment theory psychodynamic theory addiction literature trauma etc Bradshaw definitely appropriates a lot but I was okay with it and the 'self help' tone was not unbearable I appreciated his observations of toxic shame and how it grows out of dysfunctional family dynamics My favorite chapters were Liberating your lost inner child and Integrating your disowned parts The former had a guided imagery mediationexercise that I used with a client successfully in it you go back to your childhood home visit with your child self say a few words from future self to child self say goodbye to parents take in the love of your friends resurface It was evocative and powerful in session

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Breaks down the family and destroys personal lives This book has helped millions identify their personal shame understand the underlying reasons for it address these root causes and release themselves from the shame that binds them to their past failures Key Features This is not just a recovery Healing the. This book gave me a lot to think about I don't doubt that it is true that a lot of behavior that is off is caused by shame but I can't believe that all of it is For example isn't some addiction just caused by the addictive nature of the substances Anyway here are some ideas from this book that I thought were interestingToxic shame makes you not love yourself the way you are so you need something outside yourself to feel whole You obsess on this thing outside yourself Instead of just being yourself you need to constantly do things You become a “human doing” instead of a “human being” When you have toxic shame you are unable to be yourself; instead you keep your true self a secret and present a different self to the world persona One cause of adult anxiety is being overexposed as a child before you were able to develop any boundaries to protect yourself An example would be a parent who is overly judgmental in criticizing developmentally normal childhood behavior Toxic shame is often manifested in dreams of being naked in inappropriate places or in not being prepared as in suddenly having to take your final exam without having prepared for it If you have toxic shame you develop a script and then live life like an actor playing a role The melodramatic scripts were described by Thoreau when he said that the mass of humanity live lives of uiet desperation Very few people actually live truly authentic lives Your inauthentic role could take many forms being perfectionist seeking power and control rage arrogance or pride being critical judgmental contemptuous or patronizing Always being a caregiver people pleaser or “nice guy” being filled with envy If you need something outside yourself to feel whole you may engage in addictivecompulsive behaviors such as overeating drinking drugs obsessive sexpornography gambling When your needs are neglected as a child you get the message that your needs are not important Then you feel shame when you feel needy Ruminating can be a thought addiction You spend all your time thinking in order to avoid feeling You can be addicted to constant activity shopping reading exercising watching sports watching TV taking care of pets or being a workaholic You may convert your wide array of needs into sexual needs You may need orgasms to restore good feelings about yourself even when your actual needs are unrelated to sexuality We are all in a posthypnotic trance induced in early infancy The “inner voice” is the insidious self destructive process an external point of view toward oneself initially derived from the parents’ suppressed hostile feeling toward the child Expecting your partner to provide what one’s parent failed to provide is a delusion It is an unrealistic expectation and ends in disappointment and anger The main principle for handling criticism is Never Defend Yourself Instead follow these steps 1 State what is TRUE about the criticism 2 Ask the critic for information in order to understand the criticism better 3 Ask the other person why they feel the way they do 4 Admit that you are wrong and that you are human 5 Look the other person directly in the eye and state why you are still okay with the way you are 6 Confirm that you are a good person 7 Try to understand how the other person feels and comfort them Shame based distorted thinking catastrophizing mind reading personalization overgeneralization eitheror thinking being right “should” thinking control thinking fallacies cognitive deficiency or filtering blaming and global labeling Example of catastrophizing when a spouse acts slightly frustrated thinking they are incredibly angry at you and that they will remain so for a long time and that there is nothing that you can do about it and that this will lead to divorce Reality what is the percentage chance of the thing happening Example of mind reading when someone doesn’t talk to you you think they are mad at you Reality you are hallucinating; gather evidence about what is really happening Example of personalization when someone constantly states that they’re sick and tired you think they are sick and tired of you If another person is saying or doing something assume it is about the other person not about you Example of overgeneralization when one thing about the relationship is a problem you think that the entire relationship is a problem What is the evidence that supports your conclusion and what is the evidence that does not support your conclusion Example of eitheror thinking Either a person is perfect or the person is worthless Counter “About 5 percent of the time I’m selfish but the rest of the time I’m loving and generous” Example of being right If you think you’re right you are completely defensive about what you do but if you accept that you are human you can just admit that it really doesn’t matter whether you are right or wrong Ask yourself “What can I learn from the other person’s opinion” Example of should thinking This is the way things “should” be rather than this is what I want and this fills my emotional needs Think of exceptions to the “rule” that you have created Example of control thinking fallacies You think that something outside yourself controls the way that you are You need to take responsibility for your own emotions and let other people make their own choices Example of cognitive deficiency or filtering You are completely fixated on the one bad thing and ignore the multitude of good things Say to yourself “this is distressing but not dangerous” You need to refocus your attention to the things that you have that are valuable Example of blaming and global labelling Blaming your unhappiness on other people Have you honestly expressed how you feel to the other personIn summary toxic shame makes you believe that you are than human eg you must act like a perfect selfless martyr or less than human you believe you are not worthy of having your needs met Healthy shame is believing that you are human and being able to express your emotional needs with humility or even embarrassment but nevertheless being able to express your needs without freaking out

John Bradshaw ✓ 9 Characters

Healing the Shame that Binds You“I used to drink” writes John Bradshaw Shame that PDF #10003 “to solve the problems caused by drinking The I drank to relieve my shame based loneliness and hurt the I felt ashamed” Shame is the motivator behind our toxic behaviors the compulsion co dependency addiction and drive to superachieve that. In the category of self help books for depression and anxiety this was definitely a book that completely altered my outlook on life I have to warn that the first part delineates the problem and the second half delineates the solution The first part can be very tough to get through But it is necessary to understand the extent of toxic shame And once you get to the solution part there are some great things it's worth it I recommend this book for not only people struggling with depression but anyone who struggles with self esteem issues ANY addictions from shopping to sugar and all the stuff that's worse anyone wanting not to make the mistake of parenting kids or teaching kids in school in a way that makes them feel toxic shame or anyone who had a difficult experience in childhood No it doesn't have to be outright abuse just anything traumatizingI think Shame Research is fascinating I want to read on that topic and also by this author